"Moonai Thottadhu Yaaru?" Filming Begins in Jolarpettai

The sequel to the sequel of the sequel and the sequel of "New Moonu" and "Sandira(sic) Grahanam)", the famed amaerigan Vampire movies began today in Jolarpettai, among great pomp and a star studded ceremony, attended by many celebrities nobody had heard of. The movie, starring Giruthik Rosan as the hero and Sarugan as the villain, also reportedly has a guest appearance by the incomparable Sam Anderson, and Rajinikanth as the punch-dialogue consultant.


The film, which is directed jointly by Vijaya T Rajendar and Kamal Hassan has an unprecedented budget of 15 Rupees. When the producer of the film, a genuine amaerigan(no makeup), was asked for his reaction to making a splendid film on such a minuscule budget,  the correspondent was at first put on hold by one Ms Swapnasundari who spoke in a mexican accent and called herself Ms Sun-derry, speaking out of an undisclosed location at (New no)21/(Old No)3, Vandikkaran street, Guindy, Chennai. On learning that the correspondent's name was Kandasamy, he was made to listen to "Excuse me Mr Kandasamy" for a total period of 127 hours and 13 minutes, during which time he contributed to the population significantly. Following which, Mr Amerigan(no makeup) answered that he chose to outsource to India because it was famous for accomplishing everything on a shoestring budget. He also claimed one of the reasons for choosing India was that the original actors had died from anemia due to the excessive bloodshed, whereas the Indian actors are apparently invincible, being able to act in schoolboy roles at the age of 63.The conversation was abruptly terminated when he was rendered speechless and stumped by his 5 year old, who asked him the answer to 2 + 3, a problem in his homework.

Varied reactions to the film have been received from across the country. Ragul Gandhi, the famous and dynamic young politician could say no more than "Yo Yo Yo, wasssssssuuuuup, biatch?", before he had to leave because his mum called him in for tea and samosas. Lalu Prasad addressed a press meet in Gopalganj, wherein he stated this was a great opportunity for selling neer moru in matkas on all routes to Jolarpettai. Unfortunately, he hurriedly retracted his statement when Mamata Banerjee claimed to be the true Minister for Railways. Mamata, on the other hand, was seen inquiring about the possibility of her appearing in an item number in the movie.

Of the dynamic duo of directors, only TR could be contacted, reportedly because he had agreed with Kamal Hassan that the latter would grow a beard and TR would be clean shaven for all public appearances in the movie. Kamal Hassan was seen frustratedly shopping for Hair growth creams trying to contact the manufacturers of "Instant Dhaadi-gro".TR, however showed off his co-operative relationship with Kamal Hassan with one of his trademark poems

"Kamal Hassan panniten Townu,
 Na Appu, He maybe frownu,
 Yevarybody say he bikku, I smallu, But
 Na ille ippo roaming (in) shopping maallu"

An attempt to request Super star Giruthik Rosan for comment was rendered futile when Mottai-Mama Daddy Rosan answered and exhibited an inability to call his son to the phone. All that was heard was "Grrrrr, Girru.. gIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRu" before he hung up. When this curious sound was played back to a medical specialist, he was unable to diagnose it. His driver, however, was moved to tears when he cleverly recognized it at the noise MTC buses make when attempting to change gears. He claimed to have been an MTC driver before he retired, and begged us to send the noise to his phone via bluetooth, which we tried to oblige, but bluetooth, as usual, failed to cooperate.

Ms. J Jayalalitha, the leader of the opposition, called a press meet to announce that this was a conspiracy by the opposition parties to sully her name. However, she smoothly disappeared into a trapdoor on the floor when she was told that issue at hand was a movie, prompting questions with regard to the talent of the carpenter who had constructed such a device. Mr M Karunanidhi, on the other hand addressed a big crowd just outside Stella Maris, when he was denied entry by the watchman who insisted on being the only man on campus.

The film aims to cater to teenage and older-but-still-think-they-are-teenage girls and a few confused teenage boys. The general response to the film was exceedingly positive, with the collective sentiment that an All-in-all movie was the best for the present times."I've never been noticed by girls before. Now they all want me. I'm glad I love the series! Gaylight Ho!", gushed Ganesh Sadasivam gleefully, held aloft by a rowdy crowd of youth-gerls, none of whom, noticed his slip. S.R.T.P Indumathi("Call me Indy"), echoed the sentiment, saying "This movie has older-than-my-parents Indian actors with 7.5 packs, Item numbers, and a western storyline! What more could you.. ", stopping mid sentence to cheer an unidentified male biting her rear.

Muthalik Mama called a press meet to announce something, but nobody bothered to turn up.

Has it truly come to this, Ladies and Gentlemen?

I wonder about a lot of things. Like the pointless existence of the trousers belonging to people who wear them at their knees in the name of fashion. At the ridiculousness of Thuli Alavum Moolai Illai and Ragi Sauvant's Somwar and MTV Roads and all the other rubbish that's telecast today in the name of forward-thinking television. At how, for a supposedly world class team, the Indian side's performance is hinged upon a few people performing. Well, in short (Take my word for it: This is the short version) there are a lot of things I wonder about. Like how it works out that what we get comfortable with, what we take for granted, is snatched away cruelly from us.

Talking with old people, what often strikes me amazing is.. how little they remember about their childhood.. and how they don't seem to care at all about it. I'm unable to remember a lot of things about my childhood, or about my past, but I'm unaware of their existence. On the other hand, the stuff I do remember, I'm able to remember eminently. And no doubt, I would be devastated if I forgot any of that. And yet the perusunge are at perfect peace with forgetting their own birthdays, even. 

And fancy that! As a kid.. Everything gets better as we grow older. Being able to go out alone, being able to drive, being taken seriously.. To a child, an adult's world is full of possibilities. And once you are an adult, it hits you that its not all milk and honey. There are responsibilities, but that's not too much of a deal breaker. You retain your abilities and everything and deal with the responsiblities and live life fluently. With time, however, you slowly start losing everything. You can't see as well as you used to, can't hear well as you did. Your own flesh and blood don't like having you around very much and you're no longer in control. You no longer have a say in everything. In fact, you have a say in nothing. Its like being a kid again, except without the perks of being able to play all day. You can no longer earn a kuruvi rotti or a kuchi mittai for carrying Kannadi thatha's bags upstairs. On the contrary, you become kannadi thatha and it costs you to get some kid to carry your bags upstairs. 

The pain of not having something is lesser than having something and then it being taken away from you. I wonder if i'll be able to deal with progressively losing abilities and control and other things I've taken for granted in life now. 

Maybe that's why I will eventually forget my childhood and youth. 

Deadly Pretty

He saw her at RTO Chennai (west) (ISO 9001:2000). She was standing in the license fee line a paces ahead of him. 

"So, she's probably a morning person. She's gotten up before me to come stand in the queue. That's ideal"

And he was thinking about how the term "early bird" fit her so well because she was early and a bird,("Well, a chick, if you want to nitpick", he told himself), and how perfectly round her face was, like those emoticons yahoo messenger had.

"So round", he muttered to himself. And ticked "MCW(O)G" instead of "MCWG" in his license category form. 

"Motarcykil Withoutugeer"

Achtung!!

And inevitably, I find myself coming back to the topic of cars. I'm simply unable to keep away from it, I'm thinking. Its part of me. Its in my blood, my upbringing. Or whatever other excuse sounds plausible. 

The thing about these days is that nobody has time for their cars. Hardly a surprise, you'd think, given that nobody has time for parents who end up in retirement homes, children, who shoot their friends in school and partners who sleep with the maid or the milkman. And yet, I find, with the cars that my parents entrust me with, saying "okay, this one's yours, and you'll take care of it", they become an obsession. And I think about them all the time. I worry about them, their present and their future. They become my kids. 

People, think of cars as transportation. From A to B. That IS their purpose, there's no getting away from it, but if you look at it, the purpose of coitus is reproduction. And yet we have marriage, and life-long rituals, and a sense of ceremony, and comradeship for life. Not so with cars. Its quite common for them(A-B types) to ignore any untoward noises or lights or anything that might warn them of impending doom. They just drive to wherever they want to get to. And i'm unable to do that. The other day, I had an error warning and I found myself panicking, unable to think about anything else. 

And its where the kind of cars that come along play a role. Korean cars. Cheap cars. Like the Tata No-no. There's a difference between buying cars because you need them, and buying cars because you want them. And it shows in the way they're built as well. More like an appliance. Doubtless, they're always reliable. Ready to go when you want them to. But I don't want to drive something that's been made dispassionately. And that's why, you almost always find you want and buy European. Italian for flair and passion. German for precision. Russian for madness. That's pretty much all there is, anyway, because every other brand's either owned by something Italian or German or American or Russian. And now that the American auto industry has gone tits up, Its pretty much an all-European game. Apart from the Asians. 

And that's where little stickers warning you about the car come into the scene. When you own something that's Korean you normally won't open the hood because you don't care about it, or love it or anything, plus it'll be reliable until the engine finally falls off. And even when you do open the hood, even accidentally, in something that's Korean or Indian or Indo-Japanese or whatever, What do you get? In slightly expensive cars, "Danger! Keep hands away! Fan starts automatically". And in slightly more utilitarian stuff, "Khatra, Hath door rakhiye! Pankha apne aap se chalta hai" The problem with Japanese and other such stuff is that its absolutely indecipherable. 

Mine? "Achtung! Ventilatorlauf jederzeit moglich."

Ooh, yes. I'm in love. I'm sold. I'd pay for and buy a car just to have this inside my hood. I'd open the hood everyday just to look at this strange language and read it and roll it around my tongue. I'm not being elitist here, I've cried when we sold our very Indian Premier Padmini. And loved the Maruti 800. The difference is that it wasn't love at first sight. It was more of an arranged marriage affection sort of thing. Not the I'll-get-this-at-any-cost-look-at-that-sticker kind of arrangement. 

God help the woman who will run my finances. 

@#$&@!!!!

"Nee Marylin Monroe Cloning a, 

ille Jennifer Lopez scanning a?

One day mattum girlfriend aaga variya?"

Elders keep telling us. And used to keep telling us, that songs were a lot more beautiful and a lot more meaningful in their days. And I used to brush them off thinking they were just being menopausal. But look at this.. Its just rubbish. Most of the songs these days are. And they are the most popular ones. Nakka Mukka. What the @#$% is that? Its the worst thing I've ever heard! Not just the worst tamil song, but the worst song, hands down! And look, for a comparison, not so many years back..when i was 10-11 years old:

"Narumugaiye, Narumugaiye, Nee oru naaligai nillai,

 Sengani ooriya vai thirandhu, nee oru thirumozhi sollai

 Attrai Thingal Annilavil, Nettritharala Neer Vadiya

 Kottrapoigai aadiyaval neeya?"

and more recently, with less obtuse tamizh:

"Kilayil kaanum kiliyin mooku

 Vidalai pennin vettrilai naaku

 Putham puthidhaai ratha roja 

 Bhoomi thodaa(dha) pillayin padham"

Now I'm sorry, but progress is just taking us backward these days. Our kids will soon be dancing to static and random words threaded together. However, the same can't be said of music, a few music directors still come out with music that's very fresh and listenable to. Unfortunately, few and far apart. But inspiring, nonetheless. A few men, to reassure us that all is not lost. 

"...If they ever tell my story let them say that I walked with giants. Men rise and fall like the winter wheat, but these names will never die. Let them say I lived in the time of AR Rahman, tamer of carnatic ragas. Let them say I lived in the time of Mani Ratnam.." -  Troy(Slightly modified though)

As for the others, they get the golden cock award. 

I wish I could stay longer, but I've an exam to study for. Toodle-oo!